What had taken years worth of student anecdotes, months of deliberation about how to best promote an intersectional approach to social justice based on the needs of marginalized communities at UofSC, and a weekend of organizing, culminated in the 2020 Vision movement. However, the walkout was only the beginning: it triggered a series of meetings with administrators, a wave of email and phone correspondence, and a five-year deadline for the University to meet all twelve demands. It also triggered about two weeks worth of incredibly poor mental health for me, as I struggled to keep up with the demands of my classes and their impending final exams, secure an internship placement in Washington, D.C. for the next semester, and battle through the what-if’s and worst case scenarios my mind could not shut out. We had anticipated backlash, but could not predict the full extent of it or prepare ourselves to fight back any more than we already had.
Inevitably, the response was not nearly as bad as I had imagined it would be, and the importance of 2020 Vision’s mission made the fear and anxiety worthwhile. Especially in social justice work, which has a bloody and violent history, truly advocating for justice is not nearly as easy as posting to social media or half-heartedly signing online petitions. My anxieties from organizing the 2020 Vision movement gave legs to something I have known to be true for as long as I can remember: while issues that are important are oftentimes terrifying to confront, that does not mean we can back away from them. Paying empty lip service to a cause does very little for that cause: injustices must be faced head-on, despite the potential ramifications that may come from openly challenging them. A quick note about me: I am a worrier. I inherited this trait from my mother, who like most mothers, is a worrier. I tend to live by the mantra, “hope for the best and expect the worst,” and contextualize life through a sort of realistic optimism. In practice, this characteristic is helpful at some times and disadvantageous at others and becomes most complicated and detrimental when paired with my dedication to social justice. In finding my passions for advocacy and activism, I have continually battled my fear of negative repercussions and consequences in the search for progress towards equity and justice. Particularly now, the world looks bleak on a daily basis, and I would be lying to say that my worrying has improved over the past few months. But it is important now more than ever for me to abandon as much of this worrying as I am able to, as nothing productive comes of it, and it only impedes progress.
While Columbia lacks the activist scenes of larger cities, the University offers plenty of academic spaces in which to challenge others’ ideologies. While I am not able to physically put my body on the line in these academic settings, they have afforded me practice at confronting my own trepidation about potentially being a vocal minority. In SCHC 359: Disagreement, this kind of confrontation is encouraged. While this class dynamic is inherently different (and more encouraging of disagreement) than that of my PSYC 589: Psychology of Prejudice, Hate, and Violence course, I have still struggled at times with the idea of pushing back on my professors’ beliefs. I have reckoned with the cognitive dissonance of being taught to respect as well as question authority figures, and now utilize this internalized conflict in practice. In the classroom, I do not hold my opinions back based on the fear that my classmates will ostracize me, and I continue to challenge notions espoused by my professors. While these classes have taught me to be (almost) fearless, I have also learned that even though conquering fear makes advocacy and activism easier, it frankly does not matter if I am afraid or not. Undoubtedly, I am grateful to have finally arrived at a place where I am comfortable speaking up, but my co-curricular activities and classroom experiences have fed into a better understanding of where my priorities ultimately lie: social justice first, my own comfort second.
Change does not happen in a vacuum: there is no way to avoid nay-sayers and antagonists of social justice, even if they are violent and threatening. Therefore, we must confront these issues head-on, rather than retreat and hide from the repercussions of speaking out. This is something I personally work on every day and will continue to battle with for the rest of my life. But ultimately, the mission of obtaining justice for all is far more important than avoiding minor inconveniences to my own comfort.
Within the Classroom Artifacts: Email to PSYC 589 professor
Beyond the Classroom Artifacts: 2020 Vision demands list, Die-In flyer |